Which should hurt more?

Which should hurt more?

Seeing happy or seeing him sad. Should I be hurt because he's happy without me? That he's more happy with that girl. Or should I be hurt because he's sad? Sad because he's still not getting what he wants. That he's still not with that girl.

Which should hurt the most?

Answer pleassseee

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I hate to admit this. I hate to show this to anyone. I hate saying this to myself. I hate telling anyone about this. I hate not being able to tell anyone about this, because no one knows about this.

I just complete HATE this!!!

I hate this feeling, the feeling that I MISS YOU.

I miss listening to the sound of your voice in the middle of the night. I miss seeing your name on top of my recent sent messages or inbox. I miss seing your name in my call log. I miss hearing your special ringtone. I miss our long talks, our funny little jokes and our RC arguments. I miss how you get mad easily in RC. How you get so competitive when it comes to my RC and your RC. I miss seing your cute face in the webcam, how cute and mysterious you look. I miss seing you smile when I do or say something stupid. As it's the only time, I see your face smile :)

I miss hearing your voice! I miss how you don't believe me, when I say something. I miss hearing your line, 'ye ye ye' or 'really? I miss your texts. I miss getting your texts at one o'clock pm saying you just woke up, even though I know you were online in facebook at 10 am. :)))

I miss having our long ym chats.

But most of all, I miss not being able to call you mine & I miss the fact I was able to share you with anyone :(

*Sigh*

Sigh

Here we go again

The time has come again, where I have to limit it. I have abuse it for some time now & I need to control it.

What is it? you asked? It's..none other than..

Diet

I hate thinking about dieting. There's nothing else in the world which makes me more happy than food. So the thought of cutting back on food means a very very dark WORLD.

Sigh

Hide and Seek >.<

I thought I was good at hiding things, my feelings, my thoughts, my actions, but I guess not. I just learnt that they can read me like a book. I don't know if this is a good thing or not. Maybe it is, atleast they know me. Except, the fact is that they say I pretend. That I don't show my true self. I may be 'bi-polar' or two personalities. I don't do this purposely, it's just the way I am when other people are there, other than my family.

Now, this made me realised that I should open up my true self to them :(

Where di I begin? Can i really show myself to them. I'm scared, i'm scared they're gonna think differently of me. I'm scared things will be different. I'm scared , (PERIOD).

But today i found out that they're not like that, they'll stick by you. Be there for you, which is really good.

And I'm very THANKFULL!

this kinda woke me up and snapped the idea out of my head that I can let other people let me in. I don't need to pretend.

Someone told me that I need to show them my other side when I'm with my sister. I need to show them my real side.

The REAL me.

*sigh*

I don't know where to start: I don't know how to start showing my real self. I don't know what to show, what things are that need to be shown or others things which no need to share.

I just don't know.

But starting from now on, I'm going to try. Not gonna pick out things which side of me, they see. I'm not gonna think about it. Just what I feel, I show. I hope!

What things to show:

1. They're gonna see more of my mean side, when something pisses me off.

2. I'm gonna speak my mind.

3. Saputon ba ako. Pero kapag kasama ko sila, wala patient kaau. Which weird kaau.

4. Ipapalabas ko ang anger ko, sabi nila dapat ilabas. So [SORRY] ahead kung sakanila ako mag labas init ulo. LOLS

Anyway, thats all I can think of at this moment. We'll be writing more in the future, when i think of more things.

You ONLY live once

You only live once. So why not make the most of it. Do what makes you happy. Live life to the fullest. Find true hapiness in LOVE. And forget what makes you sad. It doesn't deserve your time or effort in your life.

Thats why I list everything I want to do when I do find my true happiness with him.

Don't want to miss anytime spend with him and regret it later.

(This is something I learnt from HIM - so thank you ^-^)

Get kiss under the pouring rain.

Have a playground date (Swings, slide, seasaw etc )

Picnic in Phoenix Park & have a bike ride

Zoo date (Papicture kasama sa mga kamaganak niya na monkeys) lols

Day trip to Bray - Picture2x sa beach or hike sa hill.

Lie under the stars - star gazing :)

Clouds watching

Slow dance togethere, either alone or in a party.

Take a photo booth picture togethere.

Funderland Rides - Rollercoaster

Ice skating - hand in hand. Well hopefully mas magaling cxa kaysa akin kung hindi kami dalawa ma hulog. lols)

Snow fight - Ofcourse ako panalo :)

Cooking togethere - food fight & icing sa face - chocolate.

Be kiss by HIM on New Years Eve.

Watch a scary movie togethere on Halloween or friday 13th.

Watch St Patrick's parade togethere - face paint.

Basketball game togethere. (Mag watch ako & cheer for him)

Wear his t-shirt or jersey.

Sleepover sa bahay with supervision of course.

Try video call togethere.

24 hrs talking. NON-STOP

Shopping trip. Not for me for HIM. Help him pick outfits.

Basketball date. Turoan nya ako mag basketball. Well try.

Able to introduce him to my family, friends & lucan.

Able to come over my house for dinner.

Ma invite ko siya sa mga birthdays ng family ko. (part na kasi cxa so invite dapat)

Bring him to a lucan party after basketball.

Gusto ko maging bestfriends sa kapatid nya.

Otherhalf sa bebo.

Tour in Dublin Bus.

Call him 'Oppa' & 'Bossing'

Same picture sa profile :P

Mag ferris wheel lang kami dalawa.

my PROMISE

I will be the type of GIRLfriend na:

SUPER SWEET: I will say I LOVE YOU everyday. From the start of the day until the end of it. So that you will remember each morning that their's someone who loves you and at the end of the day. I will definitely try not to be shy. I will have a 'walang paki attitude' , I won't care who hears it.
CUTE SELOSA: Maseselos agad, hindi sabihin, bigla tatampo pero never talaga aminin sa bf na selos siya. (pride dude)
EXCLUSIVELY FOR MY MAN: I will always remind him that I'm his and Your mine. I will always remind him his my NUMERO UNO and that hindi ko siya papalitan.
TEXTING 101: Text during the day lang. Or text kung naalala or text kung na MISS :)
Also Tetext ako to see kung ok lng siya or mangamusta about his day.
RESPECT: R-E-S-P-E-C-T. I definitely respect him. Hindi ako magkialam, siya mag decide para sarili nya. I won't butt in. lols (try anyway not to butt in). I will respect his decisions, if going out with friends. Walang maki-ALAM dyan.
PRIDE OUT: Kapag alam ko mali ako, hindi ako mag pa init ng ulo kasi mali ako. I will accept that mali ako. I will say sorry immediately and truely mean it.

FULL OF SURPRISES: Surprise lalambingin ko siya anytime and anywhere. I wil show him what he means to me. Bibigay nang gift which he will truely appreciate not only kasi nakita ko sa shop na mahal.

ADDICTED TO HIM: Tipong akong na babae na kung nakikita ko siya or just thinking of him I shake and my heart beats 100 beats per minute. Also kapag malapit siya, ako yun lumalapit at maghuhug and kiss sa cheeks muna. Tipong din ako na babae na na kikilig kung katabi ko siya or naamoy or kung na kita ko lang siya nag smile :)

HONEST & LOYAL: I can honestly say na hindi ako true honest sa lahat nang tao, may white lies din. Pero sa BF, i will try to honestly share with him. Ang loyal wala ako problema, kayang kaya yan. lols.
TRUE SELF SA BF:Gusto ko ang BF ko alam niya ako and accept niya ako. Sa Bf ko gusto ilabas lahat nang problema ko. Sa kanya ako magshashare. Dahil comfortable ako sa kanya na pwede lang ako mag iyak sa kanya and siya mag comfort sa akin. Ippakita ko din sa kanya ang true self ko, paano ako mag galit & pikon. (ang sympoms, duration, treatment). hahaha

LAMBING:Super lambingin ko siya, especially kung nasa labas and may tumitingin. E hohold ko hands niya and e hug siya. *elalagay ko kamay ko around his neck and kamay niya sa bewang ko. Tapos SMILE lang ng SMILE sa lahat ng naka tingin :)
COOK FOR HIM: I believe that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach so I want to cook for him. Wanna learn his favourite food, dessert, cake etc and make it for him. I will try to perfect cooking his fav foods para naman ma impress siya diba. ;)

Also this is a special way to show na special na special siya.

FINALLY....

LOVE HIM THE WAY HE IS: I will love him as my boyfriend and bestfriend. I don't want him to change. He's perfect the way he is and thats the way I like it. It's the person I fell in love with and not gonna change a thing about it.

I will definitely love him, treat him as he is my everything.♥ ♥

PS: I LOVE YOU

A wise tip from SOMEONE.

Whenever your guy is pressuring you to do something.

JUST REMEMBER A USE CAR SALES MAN.

The more he pushes for you to buy the car. The higher probability rate that it's damage goods.